ANGER Is Easy: LOVE EACH OTHER

Our toddler is in a sleep regression and the other night was a struggle… he woke up at 1, then 2, then 5…we were tired of trying to put him to sleep, so we decided to let him have some quiet time in his bedroom with his iPad, milk, and Cheerios. Yep, we chose to have the iPad babysit him so we could get a few more minutes of extra sleep, ha! (Don’t worry, we have a baby monitor in his room that we watch to ensure his safety). So, 10 mins later he was back in our room, and then every 10 mins after that he came in to ask a question… no sleep or rest was to be had by my husband and I…. We quickly became grumpy parents. The door to our room opened one last time and I said forcefully, “If you come in here one more time I’m closing your door!” Not my most glorious mommy moment, but I’m human and I was sleep deprived; clearly he wasn’t phased by the threat because a few moments later he was back again! (Did I mention our little guy is strong willed?).

I’m exhausted, I’m done challenging him so I let him dig around in my night stand. He’s throwing things around and I’m annoyed and couldn’t care less since there’s nothing dangerous in there. So I choose to just lay there silently and let him throw things on the floor. Then he says, “Mommy are these cards?”, I look over and realize these aren’t cards, they’re small Polaroids. These pictures were taken in 2015 (the year before my dad passed) at a going away barbecue thrown at my dad’s house before my husband and I PCS’d from Charleston. It was a sad but happy day, you know how those are, and my younger sister had the idea to take these pictures on her Polaroid and have everyone sign a message on their picture. The sweetest gift ever right?! I’d completely forgotten about them and my refusing-to-sleep-toddler (who I was very annoyed with two seconds previously) had regifted me this sweet flood of memories.

On the picture of my dad, he’d written, “Love Each Other”… those words quickly snapped me out of my funk. There I was annoyed at my son because he just wasn’t sleepy, and if I’m honest, I was equally annoyed at my husband because he didn’t interject like I’d wanted him to. This reminder from my dad was like he was sending me a message from heaven. My dad and I didn’t have a perfect relationship, but I knew he loved me and I loved him so very much (and still do). I remember a conversation we had during my first year of marriage; I’d called my dad to get some guidance on how men think. His response was simple, “Well do you love him?… Well alright then, work it out!” My dad was a bit rough-around-the-edges and believed in tough love, but this reminder to “love each other” felt softer, more gentle. This reminder from my dad was like a confirmation that he was aware of all of the moments I’d wished I could call just to hear his voice. It was as if he was there listening to each of those times I’d held his picture tearfully, telling him about the milestones my son has had. It was like he knew that when I cook with his cast iron skillet my heart feels him near…. He was speaking to me with a comforting and kind tone, just what he knew his daughter needed. In this tone I could hear him saying, “Oh, my China Doll, all of this is just noise, you’re focusing on the wrong thing… Just Love Each Other and the rest will fall into place.”… and to him my response would be, “Thank you Iron Man… I needed to hear that.”

I’d like to remind you that in the midst of the noise, in the midst of your anger, your frustration, your annoyance…. take a deep breath, and allow yourself the sweet thought, “Love Each Other”. During this pandemic it’s so easy to allow ourselves to fall victim to negativity. Choosing to love the person next to you requires patience and intentionality, but I promise it will change your perspective.

THIS WEEK’S CHALLENGE:

If you’re anything like me, your patience for your little ones and your significant other may be thinner than usual. To combat this, I’d like to challenge us to practice a guided imagery exercise this week. Guided imagery exercises help with stress management by allowing our bodies and minds to unwind. We can do this anywhere because the only tool needed is our imagination. There are several examples on YouTube, but I’ve included a written example below. Before starting, ensure that you are in a quiet, relaxed environment, and in a comfortable posture (sitting or lying).

Guided Imagery Example: Close your eyes, focus on your breath. Take a slow deep breath in, and a slow breath out. (Take three of these breaths, or more if you feel your body needs it.) Imagine you are in the calmest place you’ve ever been (for some of us this is the beach, for some a farm; go wherever this place is for you). What do you smell there? What does the air taste like? What do you feel on your body? Beneath your feet? Is the wind blowing? What do you hear? What colors are there? (Allow yourself to stay in this space for as long as you’d like). When you are ready, return to your breath and slowly count backwards from 10. Open your eyes.

APPLICABLE BIBLE VERSE:

John 15: 16-17, Matthew 22: 37-39, & 1 Corinthians 13: 1-3

Remember to extend yourself grace, we’re in a challenging and stressful time; we may lose our patience occasionally. This is human and expected, but we must love ourselves and loved ones enough to guide ourselves back to a healthy place mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and physically. If you’re reading this, tell me where your ‘calm place’ is and why this place is special for you. Chat with you next week as we share REAL LIFE, FROM ONE MOM TO ANOTHER.